I'm Not Sure Today

Multiple possibilities exist for me to take, or many branches for me to take.

Currently I am on the path of a practicing software engineer. By my nature and predisposition, I am very gifted at innovative, 0 -> 1 work rather than 1 -> 100 work.

A good fit for me would be to enter computer science research, particularly on programming languages.

But can I be honest with you? I feel such a weird mix of melancholy and bitterness at computer technology.

On one hand, the rise of the internet enables great learning and thus enables barriers to be broken. But we never prepared for the firehose of information, which most of it is curated to manipulate behavior.

I find computers to be a marvel of technology, and something worth pursuing a life towards contributing to further advancements. Yet I also see the absolute destruction, manipulation, and inequality it enabled.

Isn't this just another manifestation of technological process? Inequality grows between the few and many? Maybe in the past inequality did grow, but the many enjoyed a far greater quality of life. I struggle to see that quality of life growth in today's era.

It's difficult while I write this to be impartial, or to be aware of how this manifestation is just a repeated pattern. I guess I just see the suffering and inequality as real because I can observe them, rather than treating it as some historical object. A common response in the past to moments of incredible inequality were to simply kill those in power; see the French Revolution. But how could you kill a political system, an indifferent thing, which has entrenched all-encompassing power in the design of its own structure?

While kings and queens were humans to be cast away, physically or metaphorically, how can one cast away a self-reinforcing system when those who designed it only want it to persist? You can't put a system onto the guillotine. See: Simone Weil's critique of kings vs money in Gravity and Grace.

I don't wish violence upon anyone, but it saddens me to know that the struggles here are more systemic than personal.

Maybe I just need to read more history to understand this pattern better. This instantiation must be a representation of necessity.