Do You Hear Me, God?

You are bound to yourself and yourself alone: you will never be able to hear me. But, I must imagine you can.

I think previously I would have wrote, "Please assign some higher meaning to my suffering."

There is unnecessary suffering, which never has a higher meaning (and if I believe so then I am lying to myself), and then there is necessary suffering, which is simply just being alive in a world of decay. Depending on the day, I see your world of decay as either perfect or horrific. Irony?

God, the extent of necessary suffering being redemptive is only that is simply is, and nothing more. It firmly lives in the realm of necessity, not in the realm of justice.

If there was a sense of natural justice, you would have never given Weil her own anguish. Through precise reason, she wrought herself into dust under total love for you and your absence. Her mother stated, on learning about Simone's fame, "I would rather her be happy."

I guess this is the futility of finite beings wishing to impose their will onto your own will. Today, I feel that your will is extraordinarily cruel. Yet, also perfect.

I both greatly love and deeply despise you.

David

Postscript, minutes later:

The fracturing of the vessels (shevirat ha-kelim)… I must imagine myself as a likened vessel and let truth fracture me.